"I have to make the world more beautiful."
"All that summer Miss Rumphius, her pockets full of seeds, wandered over fields and headlands, sowing lupines."
"She scattered seeds along the highways and down the country lanes."
"She tossed them into hollows and along stone walls."
"Every year there are more and more lupines.
Spring quickly moved to summer, this year. The fruit trees in the yard exploded with their blossom-promises of a future harvest.
The pear, cherry, and apple trees are bursting with flowers. It makes my hours of pruning these branches, crawling up into the mangle of them, in late February cold, so worth while. In lieu of words, I give you pictures. Enjoy.
The garden has been tilled and planted. Now, we see what comes to fruition.
Fruit and vegetable beginnings are not the only bloom out this evening, the spring flowers are out, as well.
I can come home from work in the most pensive mood (it's my thing), and the heaviness just evaporates as I focus on trying to capture this beauty.
Oh, to be like a Grecian windflower--delicate, yet strong; able to endure a wide range of temperature extremes; triumphant against our brutal winters.
I'm just not there, yet.
For the past year or more, my husband has been struggling with severe back/disc problems. He is not able to be his robust, athletic, take-charge self. It's depressing to see someone who was so active, become so uncomfortable, debilitated, and hopeless. He's retiring in two weeks and is wondering if this is what the rest of his life will be like. I just want to make it better for him. Given my susceptibility to dysthymia, I am finding it hard to stay vibrant and at ease in the face of it. But, I am determined to find a way. He is worth that.
So, I look to these beautiful, little buggers to remind me to grab whatever good moments there are and hold on tightly. Make the most of the seconds when there is a pause in the struggle. Bloom even though the sun might not be out tomorrow.
Aren't they scrumptious? Just getting outside and lying in the grass to take their pictures was enough to lift my spirits.
Along the line of things can be hard but there is good to be found in that struggle, was this recent post by Mimi Thorisson's husband on her blog. Long ago I had the recognition that if I was in a moral quandary, I just needed to be honest about what was going to be the harder choice of action. The right choice is always the harder one when you are hesitating to make a choice that will affect others or just yourself. Struggle breeds strength--if you choose to use it wisely. I like the weight training metaphor, in that to develop muscular strength, you must tax your muscles. Pushing them past the point of comfort, fatiguing them, is the way to strengthen them. I know there are also experiments that show athletes who engage in stressful activities, become better. Their brains actually change for the better. I tried to find that link, but was unable to. If I do, I'll be sure to insert it into this text.
Speaking of strength and resilience in the face of struggle, there is this phenomenal story (it is long, but so worth reading) about a Geri Taylor's journey into Alzheimer's Disease, what she has lost, but also what she has gained. Blew me away.
So, as my husband and I navigate our aging and the breakdown of our bodies, I will try to hold fast to the idea that finding the good, starting each day free from yesterday's trials, is the only way to live.
