Bearing Fruit

Spring quickly moved to summer, this year. The fruit trees in the yard exploded with their blossom-promises of a future harvest. 

The pear, cherry, and apple trees are bursting with flowers. It makes my hours of pruning these branches, crawling up into the mangle of them, in late February cold, so worth while. In lieu of words, I give you pictures. Enjoy.

The garden has been tilled and planted. Now, we see what comes to fruition.

Fruit and vegetable beginnings are not the only bloom out this evening, the spring flowers are out, as well.

I can come home from work in the most pensive mood (it's my thing), and the heaviness just evaporates as I  focus on trying to capture this beauty. 

Resilience

Oh, to be like a Grecian windflower--delicate, yet strong; able to endure a wide range of temperature extremes; triumphant against our brutal winters.

I'm just not there, yet. 

For the past year or more, my husband has been struggling with severe back/disc problems. He is not able to be his robust, athletic, take-charge self. It's depressing to see someone who was so active, become so uncomfortable, debilitated, and hopeless. He's retiring in two weeks and is wondering if this is what the rest of his life will be like. I just want to make it better for him. Given my susceptibility to dysthymia, I am finding it hard to stay vibrant and at ease in the face of it. But, I am determined to find a way. He is worth that.

So, I look to these beautiful, little buggers to remind me to grab whatever good moments there are and hold on tightly. Make the most of the seconds when there is a pause in the struggle. Bloom even though the sun might not be out tomorrow.

Aren't they scrumptious? Just getting outside and lying in the grass to take their pictures was enough to lift my spirits. 

Along the line of things can be hard but there is good to be found in that struggle, was this recent post by Mimi Thorisson's husband on her blog. Long ago I had the recognition that if I was in a moral quandary, I just needed to be honest about what was going to be the harder choice of action. The right choice is always the harder one when you are hesitating to make a choice that will affect others or just yourself. Struggle breeds strength--if you choose to use it wisely. I like the weight training metaphor, in that to develop muscular strength, you must tax your muscles. Pushing them past the point of comfort, fatiguing them, is the way to strengthen them. I know there are also experiments that show athletes who engage in stressful activities, become better. Their brains actually change for the better. I tried to find that link, but was unable to. If I do, I'll be sure to insert it into this text.

Speaking of strength and resilience in the face of struggle, there is this phenomenal story (it is long, but so worth reading) about a Geri Taylor's journey into Alzheimer's Disease, what she has lost, but also what she has gained. Blew me away. 

So, as my husband and I navigate our aging and the breakdown of our bodies, I will try to hold fast to the idea that finding the good, starting each day free from yesterday's trials, is the only way to live.

Having the Confidence to Fail

The older I am, the more I realize how important it becomes to own all the ways I fail. You know what brings self-confidence? Failing and being vulnerable to people seeing and knowing about those failures and not feeling shame. Well, maybe a little discomfort, but no shame. You know what takes guts? Letting people see your mistakes. Looking someone in the eye when they have seen your worst or at least some of your flubs and rough edges. Being brave means doing things despite the fact that you are terrified or mortified. Being brave, not being perfect, is what ultimately breeds confidence. 

So, in honor of that, I am posting this blog on my personal FB page, as well as on my site FB page. I have hidden it for a year and it is time to just throw it out there. My initial intent was to just get writing, posting, and into the habit of maintaining this blog. It is rough and imperfect, and I was hiding it. Not anymore. 

To further this new commitment to being brave, I am posting these failed mini-pies. I cannot make pie dough (or bread dough, for that matter), not yet, anyway. If it helps any of you feel less self-conscious about your failures, mission accomplished. 

The filling, however, is delicious. 

And, from certain angles, you would not notice any problems. Hmm, there's a life lesson--whether something is a problem or not, just depends on the angle from which you view it!